The Ringworm Scandal By Steve Lucas I went out to the creep the other day To give the calves a bale of hay And boy was I in for a surprise! The calves were all waiting on me As unhappy as they could be They had these big white circles around their eyes! Well, I don't mean to brag or boast, But I knew what it was from a BeefToday-L post RINGWORM!, I knew excactly what to do. Toothpaste would get rid of it best So I drove to town and bought a case of Crest And got my wife's old toothbrush from the bathroom too. I caught their heads and I scrubbed 'em good Got every one like I knew I should And thought "I hope this works, it doesn't seem to hard." They started clearin' up like they said it would, And I was feelin' pretty good, When six armored vehicles pulled up in the yard. Then helicopters swooped in low And this big guy dressed like G I Joe Said "We are here from the FDA." "Crest won't cure ringworm, it's a fable! You see it is not on the label You've broken 'bout a zillion laws I'd say." "You've committed a most awful crime, We don't know about withdrawal time Then there is acute toxicity and residue." They arrested me, and I paid a fine Now I'm in the pokey doin' time. But when I get out I know what I'll do. 'Stead of sittin' here shootin' the breeze, I've been reading 'bout alternative remedies Like gas and booze and leeches and all that stuff. And my cows were lookin' a little poor They are wormy, that's for shore. So I reckon I'll worm 'em with a can of snuff.
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