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Values and Image
The years between 50 and 60 are confusing and difficult for women; it is really a reverse of the years between 15 and 20. In the earlier span, one comes to grips with "being a woman," a sexual being. Once having built this image, at 55 we begin to disassemble it. It may be more confusing than the first project, with cover stories in various magazines ("SOPHIA LOREN: STILL SEXY AT 60") to help confuse us. It is so amazing that she did not turn into a dust ball that it has made the front page. So here we are rushing toward the new millennium still trying to meet a standard left over from the Dark Ages—a woman is at her best when she is young and sexy. What is really being said is a woman is only a woman when she is young and sexy. In the Dark Ages, a woman was of greater value if she could produce many children; in most of the world today, this is no longer the case. Here at least society has learned and changed. As for Sophia Loren, I believe she is a nice Italian lady ready to be a grandmother trapped inside a mannequin of SOPHIA LOREN. She has not been allowed to change or grow in the last 25 years. Most likely she has done so, but the package has not changed. We have not seen and been encouraged by her growth. But this is not what we are conditioned to admire, and why? Because sex sells. As do wrinkle creams, butt lifters, hair dye, face-lifts, etc., etc. Several magazines aimed at women have articles on "Lunchtime face-lifts." As long as women buy the magazine and pay for the face-lifts, are we not saying, "Yes, you are right, there is nothing much to recommend me as a person except I look as if I am young and want to have sex with you." Being young, pretty, and willing is certainly a way to change the world; this year’s events in Washington prove that. I question if it is the best way. The very best moisturizer is the one that has sunblock, because sun damage can lead to skin cancer. It can cost less than $10.00 a bottle at the grocery store or more than $60.00 at the cosmetic counter of your favorite department store. But it really does not need to do anything more than block out the effects of exposure to sunlight. No matter what the ads say, the high-end stuff really will not do any more than that. For years I bought Lancôme, because I wanted to look like Isabella Rossilini. This beautiful woman's contract was not renewed a few years ago because it was felt she was now too old to be beautiful. Over time a woman should begin to understand and value herself as a real person, not as a wax doll, and use whatever help she feels she needs from the cosmetic industry because she wants to. Maybe she likes the way the stuff smells. Maybe her grandmother always used that lotion and she can remember sitting on the sofa at bedtime, having a story read to her and the scent brings back a feeling of being loved. It might be noted here that she cannot remember if her grandmother was sexy—but she does remember that she was loved. I have noticed that now automobile ads are often slanted towards women, and as in this country, "you are what you drive," is a good money-making angle. Since my auto accident six months ago in which my car was totaled, I do not drive. Does this mean I am no longer a person? Or am I a city bus, which is how I get to work and go shopping? If I rode to work in a dump truck, would that make me garbage? I have quit going to church. The one I formerly attended seems to be obsessed with outreach programs. If I was blind, living on the street, getting my daily nourishment from Meals on Wheels, Hispanic and newly arrived in the country, then there is a group that wants to know me. Strangely enough, I taught Sunday School at this same church for five years and often had people stick out their hand and say, "I don't believe we have met, I am Jane Smith. You must be new to St. George's?" How odd that people would trust me with the small children and not know my name. So here I sit, pushing 60 as my children like to say, and I do not have an image. I am not the nice lady at church who does not have a name. I am not sexy. I do not drive a fantastic car. My body has seen better days. I am so sadly lacking in ambition and judgment that I don't care enough to dye my hair or even want a face-lift. I can say that while I am still not sure what I want to do with the rest of my life, I am pretty positive about what I do not want to do. Where has the advertising industry failed, where has Washington failed? All that time and money wasted. Why have I somehow, after living in this country for so long, not gotten the message? Where are my values? Is it too late? Yes, I am happy to say it is. Drawing by Emily McClain |